I had been off the Adderall for several months because my doc wouldn't write me another prescription until I hauled my ass back into his office for a physical. It turns out, I haven't had one since May '05. So, wanting my meds, I scheduled an appointment for sometime back in March, I guess. But here's, the thing. I had gained weight (about 20 pounds) and I had not, contrary to my resolve, cut back the drinking very much. I didn't want to show up for a physical with a weight gain
and precariously teetering on the verge of a drinking problem. So, the day before the appointment I canceled with a phony excuse.
But the problems were just stacking up without the focus that the meds bring. They aren't a cure-all by any means but there is a difference. So, I sucked it up and rescheduled the appointment which I did show up for this past Friday. I was mostly honest about the drinking. I
have actually cut back quite a bit. But the number he threw out didn't quite jibe with reality. I just kind of nodded in a non-committal way. I think I have more of a problem with obsessing about how much I drink than with how much I actually drink. In other words, I don't drink nearly as much as my worrying warrants but I am a worrier by nature. We chatted a lot about the stress and stuff that I had been dealing with and I admitted to a bit of depression and anxiety and he gave me a prescription for Klonopin, cautioning me not to resort to it every night. So far, I haven't taken it every night but I think there was only one night I missed. I'm not sure I even notice any effect. It is only .5 mg so maybe that is why. Last night, falling prety to my usual bad judgment, I took a second dose when I didn't feel any noticeable change in mood after the first. I waited at least a half-hour. In another dumb move I took a dose of Nyquil before going to bed so I could sleep. I didn't feel tired but it was late. I wound up sleeping very nicely through the night but I was zonked this morning. I think that was the Nyquil. I took the Klonopin a couple of nights ago and slept in my usual restless way and felt fine in the morning.
Anyway, I got my Adderall back. YAY!
Of course, the first few days I'm on them I tend to forget to eat and to hyperfocus like crazy. So what have I been doing these last two gorgeous days? Sitting at my laptop. I did record some music on Monday but that turned out to be a bust. You can read about that
here since I don't feel like going into it again. Suffice to say, it didn't work out. I also edited a buttload of photos I took over the past week. Not necessarily brilliant ones but it least it was work of some sort.
At least today, I washed my face, brushed my teeth and got dressed. Yesterday, I hung around in my jammies until 6 pm when I had to pick up Ivy downtown and take her to her dance class.
One other constructive thing I did yesterday, late at night before going to bed, was to switch Ira from his cramped dirty cage to the much bigger one that the late Milo had resided in. Milo never warmed up to that space. He always huddled in one corner at the top in a nest of his beloved paper towels (he never wanted cozier fibers like wool yarn and scraps of old sweater---he would stick those in his food dish whenever I offered them).
Ira seems to be thriving in the new space. He is far more active then he has been recently. His old cage had three stories but it was narrow. Now he has two stories but the cage is very wide and roomy. He has perked up quite a bit. Lemmy is still happy in his cave. He doesn't need much space because he is a hermit rat that rarely ventures out. Still, his cage is plenty roomy for one elderly rat.
I should probably be getting up from the couch, at least to make myself a cup of coffee. I am home alone as Ivy is hanging out with Meg and Taylor in Providence and Linus is at work. I have so much cleaning or gardening I could have done today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be another gorgeous day. Fortunately, the hyperfocus affect wears off after a few days of taking the meds. Anyway, I tend to get into hyperfocus modes when I'm
not on the meds so I'm not even sure they are to blame.
As I was driving home from my errands this afternoon the sky opened into an instant deluge. I was only 5 minutes from home and by the time I got there the streets in my neighborhood had become little rivers. I got out of my car, ran to the porch, made sure the fish was safe, and took some pictures. I love the way flowers and leaves look in the rain.
I went to Petco today and picked out a beautiful beta fish and a couple of doodads to go in his bowl. I bought the bowl at Savers last Sunday. He looks really pretty on the bathroom sink and will give everyone something to meditate upon as they sit. I don't know what I'll call him yet. The first thing that came to mind was "Max" but then I realized I must have sub-consciously been thinking of "Beta Max" and that is just dumb.
These are my guitars. Both were birthday gifts from Stuart. The one on the left is an Epiphone re-issue of the 1956 Les Paul gold top. The one on the right is an American re-issue of the 1954 Fender Stratocaster. I love playing them both. You can here the Strat in this jam my husband and I did. Sorry, it's kind of long.
